Onward & Upward

With everything Covid going on, Move Me has moved all classes online. This has had its own bunch of issues - technical, spacial, logisticial; and in terms of scheduling, advertising and communicating. It's been scary, and exciting, and definitely not what I saw this year bringing! Many things that I was looking forward to, now won't come to fruition, and I've taken some time to process and deal with that. But there have been some amazing things that have come from it, too. I get to see and talk to my mom and my sister every (week) day now! I've been able to assist people in staying sane, getting strong (or stronger), and starting on their (long-overdue!) journeys of reconnecting with their bodies. I'd dare to say that many of these things wouldn't have happened, or wouldn't have been possible had it not been for the whirlwind that 2020 has brought us.

On a personal level, lock-down for me started with some unpleasant health issues that turned decidedly more unpleasant before it finally healed up. That was a journey that I'd prefer to never repeat... Interestingly enough, my body still starts shivering and shaking when I recount the memories. I was given no option but to back down from my physical practice (which was a serious bummer, because I was the strongest that I had ever been, and I had finally gotten to a point where I was completely happy with my body. I was a bit annoyed, to say the least. But also grateful to be alive 😁 #cognitivedissonace

For two solid weeks I did nothing physical. I felt like my strength was withering away. And it was being replaced with cravings for anything and everything unhealthy and delicious! (I'm by no means saying that those two are synonymous - please don't misinterpret that!) I had been in a position before, a few years ago, where I had to stop doing anything and everything physical for a while - I took a month off doing anything in order to assess if what I was doing was the cause, or even an agitator, of my chronic lower back pain. What I recall so vividly from that experience was that when I started doing yoga again (because doing nothing made the pain worse, thankfully!) I was stronger than I had been when I stopped in the first place. Don't ask how. I don't question things like that! For the very first time I was able to get seamlessly into Eka pada bakasana! Whoohoo!

Anyway, so I clung to that memory in slight desperation, hoping and wondering if a similar thing would happen when I eventually got back on the mat. (On a side note, teaching online without demonstrating was really difficult, but I learned a lot there too!)

After three weeks of not doing anything, I could feel that I had lost some strength. I'd lost some of the control that I had gained over the movements of my body. My flexibility wasn't as good either. But, you know what, at least I practice again. There was no miraculous moment of "ooh I can do something I wasn't able to do before!" or even a "thank goodness I can still do this!". But you know what else? Patience.

I got back into my work and into my practice. I took it one day at a time. I think there was so much else going on that I kinda forgot to set goals for myself? Or something. Two months later, I was playing around with some gliders with my sister and lo and behold I was sooooooo close to doing a straddle press. Like, millimetres away. I tried it again an hour or so later, against a cupboard because I am terrified of unsupported handstands. And it happened. Just like that.

And now I can do a straddle press 😊 and also I can bind my toe in pigeon pose on the one side.

Just like that.

So, long story short, do not EVER give up. Setbacks are temporary if you listen to your body, and persist - slowly, mindfully and with a smile.

Eka pada bakasana on the beach. I miss the beach.

Mermaids pose, a prep step towards pigeon pose where you hold onto the toe with your hands (instead of the elbow) and you have your chest facing straight forward (instead of twisted like I am here)

Also, I should learn at some stage to record myself attempting new poses. Maybe in 2021.

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Where to from here?

I won't lie, I've been feeling a bit lost. There have been several changes in my life, vast majority of them great. But with change comes some instability, I guess. Readjusting to, playing around with, getting used to, and seeing the ripple effects of change.

In a yoga practice (and in life) you want change. That's what we strive for. Without change we'd be stagnant, stuck, with no growth. Change is something that we'd usually celebrate. Being able to hold a handstand when you were never previously able to, for example, would be a fantastic feeling! ("would be", because I still haven't gotten that right yet. Ugh.)

On the flip side though, not being able to do a back bend anymore when that was one of your best poses is also change, but more a change that needs to be dealt with and accepted (been there, done that). It can be seen as a 'negative' change. Or you could choose to see the lesson in it.

So where is the lesson in this instability and fear that I'm feeling? But also, why am I struggling with it when the changes themselves were so positive?

Staying grateful for the positivity is definitely something that I needed to learn (as is each little bit of progress on my handstand). Trusting that the change will lead to better things (and that it's not just the change itself that was good) requires a leap of faith. It also requires persistent effort to making the best of each new thing that arises. So, I guess I'm saying that I need to listen and look out for the positive more? Just keep on keeping on. Keep practicing. Keep doing the yoga.

So, with one foot in front of the other, slowly and steadily, I keep moving. Perhaps this week I'll teach more flow, to just keep going, quietly and mindfully.

Or something like that.

Almost sorta' got it... I mean, I can get up there, against a wall, but I'm still way off from actually holding it away from the wall...

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Hello to new beginnings

If you've been following the website or our Facebook page, or you're a new or existing client, you'll have seen that things have changed a bit... We have a spectacular new studio in the most amazing setting.

I have had the immense privilege of partnering up and working with amazingly amazing women to help me on this new venture. I won't mention names, but you guys (should) know who you are! You all rock!

This whole turn around has also made me very much aware of how awesome many of my clients are. The support and understanding that I've gotten has been tremendous. I am absolutely sure that it will all be worth it once you see and start sessions in the new space. But thank you to you lovely people!

...this is sounding a bit like an Oscars thank you speech...

*music starts playing*

Come check out the incredible new space and the new extended timetable! And also our open day on the 7th of March... save the date so long, details will follow soon!

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The death of me

In retrospect, the past two years have been horrendous. And as I type this, I realise that it's pretty much exactly two years ago that things started changing. Details are not important, but suffice it to say my mental and physical wellbeing were put to the test. There were times that I couldn’t see a way out, there were times when I almost gave up completely. Actually, there were times when I did give up. That resigning, letting go, surrendering.

It was my sister, and a fantastic friend who were always there to remind me that there was good, that I was good. Cuen was a pillar of support, completely unjudgmental, and always there if I needed to talk or vent or cry or find out how to go about admitting myself to a special hospital… Yes, times were rough. No, I didn’t actually go. Because I had support, all around me were caring and loving friends whom I could and did speak to. About everything. …I’m almost embarrassed to admit that there are some almost complete strangers that know my whole life story… Over share was not on my list of cares.

But looking back on it now, it was because of that openness and (over)-communication that I came through it all. Talking was the therapy that I needed to put things into perspective, and to move on. It was the support of good people that kept reminding me where I was headed, and where I needed to let go.

Now I totally get that talking isn’t the optimal choice for everyone, but I’ve also seen the absolute horror that can come from complete silence. We need people around us, to bounce ideas off of, to get different opinions, for support and care, a shoulder to cry on, or just someone to vent to. Friends or strangers or psychologists. Your choice. But choose one.

I think I’ve come through the darkness. I’m hesitant to say it out loud for fear of being smited by the good ol’ universe… But who I am now is so vastly different from who I was, and I am so much stronger, so much more confident, and so much more focused on my own life. What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger is such a cliché, but it’s true.

(And in my modesty) It feels like I’m a phoenix, risen from the ashes. The death of who I was, was a necessary step to becoming who I am meant to be.

At least I hope that’s what it was.

Reaching for the stars.
Vasistasana is a great pose, and a strong pose. And the slipping sand makes it harder. Just like life. 

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Insomnia

Last night, I just could not get to sleep. My new Fitbit (I needed a watch, and I needed a heart rate monitor, and then I also got a sleep analysis thing with it!! Yay for bonus things that I didn't even knew I needed (or wanted) until I got them!) says that I only got to sleep at 12:30. Which was really late, considering that I was in bed at 9:45 pm... Okay, typing it out now makes it seem like it wasn't actually that long... but it felt pretty awful.

Anyways. The really good thing that came of my stint with insomnia was a burst of work that I managed to do! It was agony lying in bed, trying to relax and fall asleep, so I got up, and went and sat on the couch instead. And I typed out a loooong email of to-do's: mainly things to change on the website, and exciting new things to advertise... 😁 The more I thought about it, the more weird and wonderful ideas came to mind! It was amazing!
Except.... now I can't remember any of them... 😨🙊

Kidding! I can! And I am sooo excited to be rolling out all my new ideas to the lovely people out there that need me in their lives (even if they don't know it yet 😉)

So, keep an eye on the Facebook page, and the glorious website, and be prepared to be blown away by all the awesomeness that my exhausted late night brain came up with!

Looking at things from a different perspective often helps. Like an exhausted brain. Apparently that helps. Though, I wouldn't recommend it... *

* This does also not include the unmentioned fact that I sent messages/ emails to two clients that I had to then rectify in the morning, because I hadn't thought them through properly... we live and we learn...

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